Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
