dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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