Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
