Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
