Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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