Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
