You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
