Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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