Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love accidental penises.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
