No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
