2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
