There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
