The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
