He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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