I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
