Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
