May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
