I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
