my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dick very happy bro
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
