Your face is a jimmy john
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
