My balls are so social today.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
