So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
