At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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