Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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