Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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