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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this

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• (760): View more from California

  She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Let's drink?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger

  (406): View more from Montana

  For Who flesh?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?

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• (415): View more from California

  So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.

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