Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this boner is exhausting
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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