last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
