i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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