I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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