why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
