I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
