Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
