Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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