The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
