Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
