I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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