I wish my penis had an off switch
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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