Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
