Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
