and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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