I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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