I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
