you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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