I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
