I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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