My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
