He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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