margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
