he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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